[dropcap]I[/dropcap]am tired. It’s 3:30am and for some reason I can’t sleep. I awake to the howling winds of the Santa Ana’s and now that my eyes have opened, I can’t get back to sleep to save my life.
I guess that’s what God had in mind when He woke me up this morning. I am not a morning person and I’m not even sure morning people would classify this as morning, but alas, I am awake. Besides…what am I going to do…lay in bed staring at the dark ceiling and have a conversation with God? Apparently…yes.
As I lie in bed, a still small (nagging) voice keeps asking me…
What do you want for Christmas little boy?
I’m not quite sure why the Christmas gift thought keeps running through my head, but I nevertheless, turn over and try to avoid the thoughts, and voice, that are echoing in my mind and heart.
Quieting the Voice
Do you ever have those moments when the voice that’s talking to you is so loud that you just have to engage with it to quiet it down? Well….that’s me this morning. The voice keeps coming back to me – what do you want for Christmas little boy?
To be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it with any vigor. I pretty much have all I need. I have been blessed this year with wonderful gifts so I don’t think I really need anything.
Sure, it would be nice to have another computer or another hard drive or another camera or…but do I really need these things? The answer is NO. The voice inside me responds…how about giving that money away to someone in need?
Pump the brakes. Back the truck up. What are you talking about…give the money to someone else, it’s Christmas. Tis the season for giving and receiving. This is what happens when you have conversations with God in the early morning hours – they are utterly raw, and at this point, unfiltered.
The voice inside me responds…you just said you don’t need anything, so why do you want the gifts?
It was like a knife to my heart. My selfishness revealed to me…right before my eyes. You see, it’s not about Christmas gifts. It’s not about money. It’s about the heart, specifically my heart and it’s condition.
To be honest, I haven’t had a conversation like this with God in quite awhile. My life keeps me busy and as I journey this year, I am inviting these God moments, these examinations of the heart to occur. I didn’t realize they would take place at odd hours, but I guess that’s when God can really get a hold of me.
The Still, Small Voice is Calling
The Holy Spirit, or the voice, is calling to me and to you for a conversation. He's asking you to do something and…you (I) push it off and dismiss the message He has for us. The voice calls again and we ignore it until it is so loud in hearts that we can’t ignore it.
In these moments our greatest visions are revealed to us…visions that could affect the trajectory of our lives. I have had many “God Moments” in my life, especially while traveling overseas. I can't always explain it, but God plants in my heart a need or shows me something that is to come, and when it happens, I am stunned (nearly every time). I guess I just don’t learn.
Back to the Christmas Gifts
Two ideas kept circulating in my mind as I lay in bed and listen to the wind whipping around outside. I roll over and the thoughts are there. I flip over and the thoughts are there. I finally came to the conclusion that these thoughts are my action points.
Funny thing about action points…we have two options – we can do or not do – it's that simple. Either choice is acceptable, but one carries a blessing and the other carries us back to sleep. So that is where I find myself this morning…choosing to listen to the still small voice.
What Did The Voice Ask Of Me?
Well…the long and short of it is…to be part of a Christmas blessing. You see, it’s not about sharing the details because that’s between me and God. Now…I can hear a few of you sigh out loud as you get to the end of this writing and you want the payoff. You want to know exactly what it was that was asked of me; however, today is not about knowing. Today, is about doing.
It is about the conversation. It is about releasing my selfishness (which I didn’t really think I had, but apparently I do), and yielding to something bigger than me.
Maybe…just maybe…I will look back on this early morning and realize that this was the turning point for the rest of my life. I might look back and see the hand of God moving through an ordinary young man who was willing to engage in an early morning conversation.
Question: What nagging thoughts have been circulating through your mind and heart that you have been pushing to the back burner? If you want to share, you can leave a comment by clicking here.
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