At the end of a long day at the office & the thought of getting up & doing it all over again in the morning (the early morning) doesn't necessarily excite me. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I think I am pretty good at my job, but sometimes you are only as good as the last thing you did.
I conceptualize. I think strategically. I think I am pretty decent person who likes to please most of the people I work with & for (my customers), but sometimes you realize that you are just failable, that you've reached the end of the rope & you are wishing for more rope & you don't know how the rope can get any longer. Some battles I win. Some I lose. Right now, it feels like I am losing more than I am winning.
This week I wrote about Gideon in Judges 7 and looking in the rear-view mirror & he saw that God was not sticking him out on the front line to get killed but to be used as an instrument of God. I think I am so quick to jump to the negative, to stress & I forget to look in the rear-view mirror & see all the blessings that God has shown me. I am blessed to have a job – a thriving job – and here I am complaining.
I wonder what God is saying right now as I type these words? He's probably going – hello, I've been right here. You walk pass me every day. I stop & talk to you in the hallway, and you walk right on by. Did you not see the graciousness I showed you in the interaction with that Director today? That was me. There is no doubt in my mind that when I look in the rear-view mirror of this experience that I will see the hand of God so on top of me that I can't believe I missed it, but right now I am so blinded by my stress that this little piece of writing has made me realize my selfishness.
Tomorrow is another day, I will worry about it tomorrow, today had enough of its own.
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