It seems that for the past few months, so many different things have crossed my path – from work getting incredibly busy to new friendships developing to countless other little things that encircle my day. Each of them bears the stamp of my creator, but sometimes, something happens whether it be to me or to one of my friends where I just throw my hands in the air and ask "God, I Don't Understand what is going on here".
Last week, I hit the "E" on my tank – its been a long time since I have felt like there has been no gas in my tank (any of my tanks for that matter). Yesterday, as I was driving to my parent's house to enjoy a fantastic meal, I was listening to a book (Comrade J) about one of the greatest Russian spy's turned CIA informant. Every so often my mind would drift to friends, friends who have been rocked by events in their lives and it would bring me back to the same thought – "God, I don't understand what you are doing?" In my head, I understand that God will "never give us more than we can handle", "that His grace is sufficient" to meet our needs, but honestly, when we are in the middle of it all – we, I, lose sight of the fact that "His rod and staff will comfort & protect us". Is it that my faith is lacking, is it that I want to be able to fix everything – to be the hero – do I need to let go more often – "God, I Don't Understand".
God is magnificent – He gave us a mind to logically work things out, and He gave us a heart to feel emotion & to understand pain and love. When we come and lay our burdens at the foot of His cross, we need to leave them there – we need to stop dropping them & picking them up, dropping them & picking them up. Okay, let's face it – I need to stop dropping them & picking them up – I can't speak for anyone but me. Since the beginning of this year, I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams, but at the same time I have been so wrecked beyond what I have ever felt. Life tends to do that to us when we exercise both our minds and hearts, and although I don't understand my journey or that of those closest to me, I HAVE to trust God that He sees the beginning from the end & knows that I (we) can handle these circumstances, but (and its a big BUT) we have to walk through it with HIM.
God, I accept that there are things which I cannot control – I don't like it, but I accept it. I accept that I cannot fix everything (in reality, I probably cannot fix much without YOU), but I ask that YOU would infuse your desires into my mind & heart – I ask that YOU would right that which has been wronged and I ask that you start to remove the fog and show the plan that YOU have laid out before us.
God, I still don't understand, but I'm trying – help me understand!
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