(Old Post from 2007)
Rascal Flatts sings “Life is a Highway, I want to ride it all night long” and that's kind of what I feel right now. I feel like this journey that I am on has many off-ramps, but which one is the right one. As I transition from working so hard and on so many different ministry teams, I find that the still small voice of God is calling me to join Him down by the water's edge – to bask in the sun, enjoy a restful peace in the green pasture, and to drink deeply of His love.
I can remember walking through the sanctuary with eyes so full of tears when I started two months ago with the youth as God began to gently break my heart for these kids. That time in that room was so special. It was as if He was standing next to me and wrapping His powerful arms around me and was saying “this is just the beginning”. As I stand at the back door of the youth ministry room, I wonder why the time was so short. I wonder what He was preparing me for. What big adventure lies ahead for me?
So many questions . . . so many answers . . . so many more questions . . . more answers . . . closing of doors . . . windows being opened to let in the freshness of something new, but the nagging part of who I am continually asking . . . why can't you just give me the answer. I was leading Jr. High one Sunday morning and I kept prodding them to answer the question. When they did I had another question, and another question and then finally one kid said – “just tell us the answer” and I said “why – what are you learning, if I just give you the answer”. I realize now that I am that kid. A little older, a little different situation, but the same question and statement – God. . . just give me the answer and He reply's “Why – what are you learning”.
What am I learning? I learned that I am not called to be a youth pastor, but called to be a guide alongside those who have the calling. I learned that you have to deny some of your deepest longings, longings that you didn't even know existed, so that He can lead you where you need to go. I learned that my heart cries out for these kids and what they experience and that I love them deeply. I learned that influence is relative – sometimes it is to kids or teens or to parents or to the people you work with or to your vendors or to the people at Starbucks. I learned that God wants us to see that dreams can be big and that He has NO BOXES! I learned the wonderful and awesome presence of God in real and tangible ways and that His love extends to the very core of who we are and that the busyness of life can often drown out what we truly need. I learned that when He calls you to do something, He has a plan and a purpose – it may be for a little bit, a few months, a few years or even a lifetime, but He sees the plan.
As I walk head long into an experience that could involve a dramatic change, one that I may not have totally given over to God, that He is my guide. He is calling me to the depth of the green pastures, to sit and look out over the still waters, and to drink deeply in His love. The future is unknown, and the journey is ever changing, but I need to make sure that I am right in the center of His will seeking the very best and leaving the results up to Him.
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